Sunday, November 9, 2008

Calling out to other aspies in the gay community

I myself at age 25 suffer from two things, each equally difficult, these are: being gay and autistic. At age 2 - 3 my mother took me in for my first neuropsych evaluation where I was told that I would probably be lucky to sweep floors at McDonald's. The person that told my mother that was terrible wrong and my mother didn't believe it. I got through elementary school and high school with pretty much no problems however the social skills were definitely noticed by my peers. I was constantly picked on, ridiculed and misunderstood; most times at lunch I was eating by myself of with one of my two or three friends that I associated with. After many years of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing I usually in High School found that saying nothing was the best route to choose. During High School I worked full time at a Theatre growing through the ranks to Assistant Manager. With the combination of my family who helped enhanced my skills and working full time I really started to be able to overcome some of the challenges traditional aspies have in today's society.

After high school I back in 2002 came out of the closet to my mother and told her that I was gay. Being the understanding mother that she is embraced it just as she had all of the others in the past. After coming out I met my first boyfriend which wasn't healthy at all; lots of yelling and screaming at each other and during the whole time of the relationship probably wasn't understanding why I did certain things. Eventually my mom did disclose my Autism to him for me at my request which didn't seem to help things in that relationship. So knowing that he didn't care to understand I choose to move on.

It wasn't too much longer before I jumped into my 2 year relationship which in my heart knew I shouldn't have started after the first week. But after so many years of rejection from people all I wanted more than anything in the world was someone to love me an accept me for who I am. Well story has it I didn't tell him about my Aspbergers either. He was starting to wonder about things that I would consider to be traits of my Aspbergers and given the already previous relationship problems he had completely closed me off and I sure wasn't going to let him in on that dark secret. After two years that relationship did finally break up; my mom did tell me that she did tell him I was Aspbergers, but apparently that didn't change things at all.

Now after being 1.5 years of not looking for a relationship another one comes to me except this one is different. This relationship is an instant bliss from the start, we were completely honest with each other, enjoyed a lot of the same things, we were both attracted to each other and I had trust with him which was more than I had with the other two. So, two months go by and I find myself out self finally this time self disclosing the Aspbergers Condition to him and why there is the possibility I do certain things that I do. Since hat weekend he distanced himself and finally dumping me last Wednesday.

What I want to know is? Are there any other people out there that are Homosexual that suffer from these same problems. This is the first time I have placed this kind of conversation on the net in fear that others would find out, but I can come to terms with my aspie condition and am ready to hear from others in the community on this issue. I'll look forward to replies, advice and insight to this topic. I also hope that more topics can be formulated in this area in the future as well, maybe even putting a support group together.